It is quite common to suddenly "come to" in the middle of life and wonder where the time has gone. Sometimes a large chunk of time has passed without any real difference taking place overall. Months can pass by, and even years, and when that moment arrives we often wonder if, or when, something may change.
Inevitably, after the long season of sameness there will be a period of time where everything seems to shift, and sometimes the days will be packed fuller of life than previous months combined. I'm not talking about busyness. Activity does not equal progress. A rocking chair can produce a lot of movement but it usually stays in the exact same place at all times. I'm talking about those usually unexpected moments in time when something shifts and growth and discovery begin to pour in like running water. Sometimes those discoveries are unwanted. Sometimes that growth is wrecked with pain and jagged edges and seems like it's leading us straight into our death rather than anywhere near new life. And sometimes... that's exactly what it's doing, and what it was meant to do.
The last seven days have held more of this growth and discovery in my life than the previous four months combined. I set out on, for lack of a better phrase, a spiritual retreat in which I spent three days with literally no one but God. Contact with the outside world was temporarily deactivated and for 72 hours I closed myself up in a room and came out only for the bathroom (and also to put out a small fire, but hey, the house going up in flames is sort of an understood reason to momentarily leave the confines of my small space in order to be the hero... of the fire that I started... anyone see that episode of Boy Meets World? ok back on topic...) Contrary to rumors of insanity or psychosis when being in solitary confinement for three days in the 21st century, this was actually not very difficult, and was most definitely not boring. I didn't set out with an itinerary of how I would fill each minute, but I fell into a schedule after the first day that made me realize how little control I actually had over this time and how much I was really only responding to the One I was with.
Now the last thing I'm out to do in writing this blog is to make myself out to be this over-spiritual "humble" Christian who is willing to do what "no one else" is in order to be "holy"--extremely necessary quotation marks. I did not set out to do this with this blog post in mind. I set out to do this because I knew I was being invited into something and the honest truth is that I could not say no, I could not resist.
We all know what it's like to be going one way for a while when all of a sudden you realize that something's gotta give. This goes or I go. Either way, I'm not moving forward until something changes. And that's where I was. And last Sunday I knew this was next for me.
So Monday morning I turned off my phone and the internet and literally shut the door to the outside world. I don't consider myself "addicted" to technology. I don't mind going a decent amount of time off facebook and I certainly am familiar with the relaxation that can sometimes accompany the dying of a cell phone when away from its charger. Sometimes you just need peace. But I can readily admit that I felt like a smoker reaching for my cigarettes. The first day, every few hours a slight feeling would come over to me to reach for a device. Something that connected me to everything else out there. The thought wasn't conscious, I just felt this need rise up and then reality would surface, "oh right, I don't have that right now." The instinctual dependence that we have come to have upon connection within the ever-advancing age of technology really does battle with our connection with the Maker of the universe, whether we have an addiction to it or not.
I'm not going to sit here and say that I arrived at a higher plane of spirituality, nor was it the equivalent to Moses on Mt. Sinai face to face with God after which his face literally glowed. However, I will say that three straight days alone with nothing but my face in the Word of God, my knees on the floor, and my hands in the air translates to an experience with the Lord that transcends all knowledge about Him in a Sunday morning sermon. When I say "experience" I don't mean "sensation." I did not "feel" God in the room the way I felt that fire burn the tip of my index finger before I dropped it on the hallway floor. But it was not about the feelings or the sensations of each moment. By the second day I was realizing that it was about the succession of moments, the symphony being played out altogether, note by note, prayer by prayer, praise by praise. I was knowing Christ in the intimacy of relationship, and it was not all smiles and warm fuzzies. Some of my most powerful moments of praise and worship to Him in which He felt the nearest to me immediately led me straight into a sobbing session where I literally cried out to Him in anger and confusion and searing pain over life's circumstances that still overwhelm. My times of worship which held waves and floods of soul satisfaction in the truth of who He is to me were sometimes followed by lamenting over the curse of the flesh and the longings that still wage war against me, vying for my life. I'd like to say that I'm being dramatic or exaggerating some of these emotions, but I'm afraid I can't. With all my heart I sang to the Lord and plunged myself into the truth of His promises, only to lash out at Him for leaving me in my pain and feeling so abandoned by Him, then yet again proclaiming His identity and truth over my feelings, and then again sobbing out my hopelessness at His feet, feeling out the fullness of each emotion in each heartbeat. The two opposites can somehow coexist, and somehow it's ok because I just grit my teeth and He just holds the pain and I keep breathing and He keeps revealing, even if the throb is ever-present. Even in those moments where He seemed closer than I've ever experienced, a fleeting doubt could cross my mind asking if all this was even real.... does He even exist? Is He listening? Somehow the absolute truth can coexist with the presence of a lie. But I am commanded to take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ, and it is up to me what I choose to believe in those moments resulting in what seed will be sown in my mind in that moment, and that is all life is made up of--the sown seeds of each moment as they come to us. Every moment I sow a seed with whatever I give my attention to. The mindless distractions that we think are just meant for unwinding at the end of a long day... they are sown seeds. That TV show, that music, that youtube video, that thirty-seventh game of solitaire.... seeds sown. Are they terrible? They don't have to be. But when you spend three full days emptying and filling yourself--your mind, your thoughts, your heart--with the Living Word of God and giving Him praise, you realize all the empty seeds you've sown. No, I am not anti-technology, nor will I judge you if you play that thirty-eighth game of solitaire. But I might be a little sad for you. Not in a pitiful kind of way. But because I've known what it's like to spend hours "relaxing" with Words With Friends and SongPop at my fingertips, and now I've known what it's like to spend hours, days, receiving true rest in Christ.
Does all of this sound bipolar? A little messier than what we've preconceived in our minds a relationship with God should look like? All withstanding relationships are messy. The gospel is messy. Life is messy. Joy and sorrow. Laughter and tears. And everything in between.
If I were to sum up the crux of this experience into one lesson it would be this-- no matter the weight or the magnitude or the enormity of what faces me in this life... I must praise Him. I learned through this time, not by information but by experience, that this is not simply a command to obey... I must praise Him in order to attain any sense of true joy. In order to be happy. In order to bear up under the weight of life's most searing pain, I will not be sustained unless I give Him praise. For that is where all is set right. That is where truth overcomes and overwhelms the lies from the pit that are strangling abundant life out of us. I wrote this in my journal at the end of the first day:
Even if I sat in silence with a humble and reverent heart and never heard a word from the Lord, my offering of hope and expectation would not be in vain. I cannot come to Him in demand that He meet all my needs for the sake of my comfort--all is to be, first and foremost, for the sake of His glory and His holiness. It is not wasteful to offer up all of me to Him simply for the reason that He deserves it, He is Lord, I am not. To give myself over to Him is in itself--worship and glorification. He is not obligated beyond the point of receiving my offering. For it is simply in the giving of it that I can rest at ease. He wants nothing more from me. And after that, I have done what was worth it.
In my moments of purest and most sincere praise, I am doing what I was made to do at the most basic foundation of human existence--worship, giving Him glory. This is not something that will fully register with you simply by reading these words. We've all heard this before. But hear me in this: this is something that will not make complete sense until you have put it into action.
It's all about His praise. It's all about His glory. Give Him praise... and you will find the only true form of relief, comfort, and rest.
Through Jesus, therefore, let us continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise--the fruit of lips that confess His name. --Hebrews 13:15
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
Saturday, September 1, 2012
The Paradox of Death
There is something intriguing about paradoxes. They don't make sense at first, but most of us enjoy the attempt to analyze them and see how the puzzle pieces fit together. Many of the paradoxes introduced by Jesus in Scripture are not only mysterious but are downright confusing. How is it that the last shall be first? Why must you lose your life in order to find it? When did nature start to turn on itself?
Perhaps the most defining of paradoxes we see is the notion that death leads to life; the old becomes new. As a fellow human being having walked the planet for 24 years I can very well attest to the fact that life leads to death. The new eventually turns to old and what is alive eventually dies. The idea of death leading to life and the old becoming new have strong implications for the faith, and they go against the very fabric of our human nature.
"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!"
2 Corinthians 5:17
"But because of His great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions." Ephesians 2:4-5
"You were taught with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness." Ephesians 4:22-24
"For you died, and your life is now hidden in Christ with God." Colossians 3:3
"I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me." Galatians 2:20
In every area of Scripture that these notions are mentioned there is a formula given explaining how life is attained and how death will be the default if life does not purposely prevail over it. In each of these verses it is very apparent that Christ brings life while the self brings death. In our natural state we are already dead. But Christ offers life even in the midst of that death. This is truly dumbfounding. We all know that once something dies, it is dead. Almost never at a funeral will someone look into the casket with anticipation that the loved one will suddenly open their eyes and rise up again. There is a resignation that comes with death--we understand its finality. As Christians we know we have an eternal hope, but as human beings on planet Earth even this eternal hope does not remove the overwhelming grief and sadness brought on by death. Why is that? Shouldn't we be rejoicing when a believer is taken to Heaven? Parts of us do, but in an overwhelming sense we are held captive by the searing pain of loss.
"He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end." Ecclesiastes 3:11
Here is the bottom line--even in our acceptance that death is a part of life, we know deep down in the core of who we are that death was never meant to be. We were made with eternity written upon our hearts. Life was always supposed to triumph. Everything within us, even our most sinful places, resists the sting of death and is devastated by it. We are wired to be drawn towards life and to be repelled by death. And yet death is what is asked of us. If we are to grasp the abundant eternal life offered to us, death is first required, and not just physical death.
Throughout the course of a lifetime a person will die many deaths. There is the initial spiritual death we die when we enter into sin and there is the final death within the flesh that leads to eternity. However, there are many commands to actively die and put to death the flesh. Because of the natural response to death, these are not easy to accept. Death brings loss, pain, heartache, withdrawal, even denial. There is often a ripping and tearing away at the heart that can sometimes even feel physical. But there is always an exposition for why the death is necessary. "...if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live." Romans 8:13-- If, then.
Over and over and over again these paradoxes flood the Scriptures, paving the way toward True Life. The Life that is only reached through Death.
"What you sow does not come to life unless it dies." 1 Corinthians 15:36
Nothing about this can be easily received with the limited, fallen, human brain in each of our heads. There is no rationalization behind it. It calls for a divine humility of trust at the feet of Jesus that our understanding is not to be compared with His. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding" Proverbs 3:5; "'For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways,' declares the Lord." Isaiah 55:8
Moving beyond the perplexity of it all and accepting that our finite minds will never grasp this concept in full, it becomes clearer as we choose to trust that each death we die has a reason, a purpose:
"I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. The man who loves his life will lose it while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life." John 12:24-25
In the same way that a single living seed can only remain singular, resisting these necessary deaths will only limit us in the hands of God. "But IF it dies, it produces many seeds." The very act of death ushers in new life; a newness that could never have been found otherwise. A life that is incomparable to the life before that death.
Sometimes this newness of life is a brand new life than the former. Sometimes it is a resurrection of that life, more glorious and beautiful than before. This picture is very clearly painted with the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus. Even Christ Himself died a death that was utterly crucial for true Life to ever be an option for us. He is our ultimate example of the death that must be allowed to die in order for the fullness of life to be a flourishing resurrected reality--involving both the death at spiritual conversion as well as the deaths to sin and the flesh that confront us in the midst of our daily lives that we so often resist and avoid. Whatever His choosing--resurrection or a brand new different giving of life--we will always be more satisfied in the newness of life He brings from that death. For He is that Life.
"...so that they may take hold of the life that is truly life." 1 Timothy 6:19
"Jesus answered, 'I am the way and the truth and the life....'" John 14:6
I have yet to face a challenge more daunting than this--to seek the Life that is truly life; to seek the face of God in the midst of my deaths. And to know that no matter the pain of those losses, the gain will always prevail over that loss. This is where the rubber meets the road. This is where the proof exists and we can know who we really serve--ourselves or our Lord Jesus Christ.
"For Christ's love compels us, because we are convinced that One died for all, and therefore all died. And He died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for Him who died for them and was raised again." 2 Corinthians 5:14-15
No matter to what degree we are asked to die deaths upon this earth, we can place our hope and security in the One who will one day kill Death himself, once and for all.
"Death has been swallowed up in victory... thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ." 1 Corinthians 15:54,57
"And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away. Then He who was seated on the throne said 'Behold, I make all things new.'" Revelation 21:4-5
He does not leave us as we are. O Lord, we praise You!
Perhaps the most defining of paradoxes we see is the notion that death leads to life; the old becomes new. As a fellow human being having walked the planet for 24 years I can very well attest to the fact that life leads to death. The new eventually turns to old and what is alive eventually dies. The idea of death leading to life and the old becoming new have strong implications for the faith, and they go against the very fabric of our human nature.
"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!"
2 Corinthians 5:17
"But because of His great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions." Ephesians 2:4-5
"You were taught with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness." Ephesians 4:22-24
"For you died, and your life is now hidden in Christ with God." Colossians 3:3
"I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me." Galatians 2:20
In every area of Scripture that these notions are mentioned there is a formula given explaining how life is attained and how death will be the default if life does not purposely prevail over it. In each of these verses it is very apparent that Christ brings life while the self brings death. In our natural state we are already dead. But Christ offers life even in the midst of that death. This is truly dumbfounding. We all know that once something dies, it is dead. Almost never at a funeral will someone look into the casket with anticipation that the loved one will suddenly open their eyes and rise up again. There is a resignation that comes with death--we understand its finality. As Christians we know we have an eternal hope, but as human beings on planet Earth even this eternal hope does not remove the overwhelming grief and sadness brought on by death. Why is that? Shouldn't we be rejoicing when a believer is taken to Heaven? Parts of us do, but in an overwhelming sense we are held captive by the searing pain of loss.
"He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end." Ecclesiastes 3:11
Here is the bottom line--even in our acceptance that death is a part of life, we know deep down in the core of who we are that death was never meant to be. We were made with eternity written upon our hearts. Life was always supposed to triumph. Everything within us, even our most sinful places, resists the sting of death and is devastated by it. We are wired to be drawn towards life and to be repelled by death. And yet death is what is asked of us. If we are to grasp the abundant eternal life offered to us, death is first required, and not just physical death.
Throughout the course of a lifetime a person will die many deaths. There is the initial spiritual death we die when we enter into sin and there is the final death within the flesh that leads to eternity. However, there are many commands to actively die and put to death the flesh. Because of the natural response to death, these are not easy to accept. Death brings loss, pain, heartache, withdrawal, even denial. There is often a ripping and tearing away at the heart that can sometimes even feel physical. But there is always an exposition for why the death is necessary. "...if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live." Romans 8:13-- If, then.
Over and over and over again these paradoxes flood the Scriptures, paving the way toward True Life. The Life that is only reached through Death.
"What you sow does not come to life unless it dies." 1 Corinthians 15:36
Nothing about this can be easily received with the limited, fallen, human brain in each of our heads. There is no rationalization behind it. It calls for a divine humility of trust at the feet of Jesus that our understanding is not to be compared with His. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding" Proverbs 3:5; "'For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways,' declares the Lord." Isaiah 55:8
Moving beyond the perplexity of it all and accepting that our finite minds will never grasp this concept in full, it becomes clearer as we choose to trust that each death we die has a reason, a purpose:
"I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. The man who loves his life will lose it while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life." John 12:24-25
In the same way that a single living seed can only remain singular, resisting these necessary deaths will only limit us in the hands of God. "But IF it dies, it produces many seeds." The very act of death ushers in new life; a newness that could never have been found otherwise. A life that is incomparable to the life before that death.
Sometimes this newness of life is a brand new life than the former. Sometimes it is a resurrection of that life, more glorious and beautiful than before. This picture is very clearly painted with the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus. Even Christ Himself died a death that was utterly crucial for true Life to ever be an option for us. He is our ultimate example of the death that must be allowed to die in order for the fullness of life to be a flourishing resurrected reality--involving both the death at spiritual conversion as well as the deaths to sin and the flesh that confront us in the midst of our daily lives that we so often resist and avoid. Whatever His choosing--resurrection or a brand new different giving of life--we will always be more satisfied in the newness of life He brings from that death. For He is that Life.
"...so that they may take hold of the life that is truly life." 1 Timothy 6:19
"Jesus answered, 'I am the way and the truth and the life....'" John 14:6
I have yet to face a challenge more daunting than this--to seek the Life that is truly life; to seek the face of God in the midst of my deaths. And to know that no matter the pain of those losses, the gain will always prevail over that loss. This is where the rubber meets the road. This is where the proof exists and we can know who we really serve--ourselves or our Lord Jesus Christ.
"For Christ's love compels us, because we are convinced that One died for all, and therefore all died. And He died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for Him who died for them and was raised again." 2 Corinthians 5:14-15
No matter to what degree we are asked to die deaths upon this earth, we can place our hope and security in the One who will one day kill Death himself, once and for all.
"Death has been swallowed up in victory... thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ." 1 Corinthians 15:54,57
"And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away. Then He who was seated on the throne said 'Behold, I make all things new.'" Revelation 21:4-5
He does not leave us as we are. O Lord, we praise You!
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