A Milestone

If you are a typical human being, you will experience at least several monumental moments over the course of your life. The first day of school. Learning to ride a bike. Graduating High School. Getting married. Having a baby. These are what we would call milestones. Every person has them, big or small, public or private.

Recently I reached another milestone in my life. One that some may not even refer to as a milestone, but for me it's been the day that I've been waiting for for a long time.

Three weeks from now I will be living in Lynchburg, Virginia going to Liberty University. My major is in Counseling Psychology and my goal is to be a Marriage and Family Therapist. Whether or not that actually happens, I'm leaving it in God's hands. But I've never had any question as to what my major would be. Counseling. A no-brainer. Never thought twice about it.

Most people view counseling, or therapy, as a last resort for the weakest of the weak. Only the nut jobs have to have it. A normal person is normal, therefore they are in no need of any sort of counseling. Right? This is what we tell ourselves, and even if we never consciously think those thoughts, society has us believing that if anyone ever knew we went to counseling, they'd think us a freak. Tell me I'm wrong.

For the past seven months I, myself, have been in counseling. It was something I knew I needed for a long time before I finally admitted it and asked for help. And that's exactly what counseling is. Help. Sometimes we can't do it all on our own. Sometimes the most normal person actually needs a little bit of normality. And sometimes there is a better solution than avoiding your not-yet-dealt-with issues that are poisoning your potential.

We all do things we regret. We all do things that affect us long-term, and when those issues are not dealt with properly, they become a thorn in the flesh. Stuffing something down further and further, refusing to bring it back up and deal with it will only hinder a person from growing and moving on. And that's exactly what was happening to me. The more time that would pass by, the better I became at suppressing. I was fine. Time would heal all things and eventually none of this would ever haunt me again. But I was wrong. Time made things worse. The further down I shoved my past, the more it ached within me. It's like needing to throw up. You feel so terrible, but you keep holding it in. You don't want to bring back up that awful taste. The awful smell. The terrible sounds. But the more you hold it in, the worse you feel. Finally it all comes up and as much as you hated the process, you feel so much better now don't you?

I didn't want to face things again. I didn't want to deal with what I'd been avoiding for so long. Time heals all wounds, right?

My first visit to see the counselor was one of the worst days of my life. I was scared beyond expression. I sat there with the biggest knot in my stomach and literally wanted to physically throw up. Nothing could compare to the first and second weeks. As the weeks wore on, it became easier. Once over the hump, I began to see gradual transformation in my life. And when I say gradual, I mean snail mail gradual. Healing comes slowly.

But oh how worth it it is in the end!

On Thursday, July 30, 2009 around noon, I got in my car and drove out of a parking lot in Indianapolis leaving behind the biggest load I ever hope to carry in my entire life. No it didn't happen in one day. But the final session with my counselor marked an unbelievable end to an unbearable load carried too long and too far. It also marked an incredible beginning to a world not yet experienced and taken into my heart in full. A milestone.

I cannot tell you what counseling could do for you. But I'll tell what counseling did for me.

It brought freedom.

I give zero credit to the person in the chair listening to me, and 100% credit to the Savior of my heart who rescued me from too many years of bondage and captivity to my own regrets and self-loathing. Only He can remove those things from my heart and life and replace them with amazing peace, hope, gratitude and guidance.

So. Maybe you're the person who has never thought counseling to be for the normals. Or maybe you've been exactly where I've been and can give similar testimony about the benefits of counseling. Or maybe... you're living in a prison with walls you constructed yourself. Maybe you know what it's like to be in bondage and unable to find freedom. Maybe you don't remember the last time you felt worthy of forgiveness and love. Or. It may be that you feel none of these on the surface, but deep down you know you're avoiding what needs to be dealt with. Whatever that may be. If that is you, please understand something: That was me.

I consider my experience in seven months of counseling to have been one of the greatest decisions I could have ever made, and I am so glad to know what it feels like to be on the couch. If it's what God has, one day I'll be the one in the chair saying, "I've sat where you're sitting, and I'm glad you're here."

A social stigma may tell you that counseling is the last thing you could ever need barring some terrible life-altering tragedy. On the contrary, it is very much for the "normal" people. Don't be afraid of it.

God so badly wants to change your life. He doesn't want you being held back by things since past. He doesn't want you held back by addictions no one else knows about. He wants you out of that double life and free from all hindrances. The feeling of freedom is indescribable. You can have that.

I have that.